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How can I have better sex?

asked Jan 16, 2017
16060 PointsGold
How do you make sex spectacular?

Rules (“should”s and “should not”s) and fears can hold us back from completely letting go and allowing ourselves to enjoy our sexual experiences fully.

How can we relax and really enjoy everything that sex can be?

The key is to address our experience with ourselves first. Only then can we experience what we want to with another person.

Here are 6 simple secrets to spectacular sex:

Simple Secret #1:

Imagine the experience.

Imagine all the excitement and pleasure and ecstasy, the comfort and connection, the intimacy and relaxation. Imagine the feelings and sensations fully enough that you’re already experiencing them.

This way, you’ll already feel like this is real for you — that you can experience this (since you’re already getting quite a good internal preview of what this feels like) — and you’re priming yourself for having this kind of experience supported by your life.

Simple Secret #2:

Let go of the rules.

“Should”s and “should not”s have no place in any positive relationship — with yourself or anyone or anything else. They shut us down rather than opening us up.

In a positive relationship (with ourselves and with another) — where deep, comfortable, pleasurable intimacy is possible — there’s openness of communication and the feeling of freedom to express ourselves as we are — what we think, what we feel, and what we want. There is only what you would like to experience and what it feels right for you to do or what it doesn’t feel right for you to do from that place.

So, rather than imposing rules to try to get what you want out of fear that you won’t, just focus on what you want to experience and listen to and act on what feels good and right from there, and you’ll actually get the results you want — smoothly, naturally, and effortlessly.

Simple Secret #3:

Accept yourself and get comfortable with yourself.

Imagine what you’d like to experience ultimately, and accept where you are on the way there. You don’t need to arrive at perfection or success or whatever to be there. You need only to be headed in that direction. Good feelings (and bad feelings) tell us the direction we’re headed, not where we are.

So focus on what you’d like to experience, and take action from there, and accept where you are at each step along the way since you’re on the way toward more external support for your desired internal experience. And you’ll feel good about yourself, and you’ll feel good in general.

Simple Secret #4:

Be the kind of person you want to be with.

Be kind, be respectful, be appreciative, be attentive, be interested in your own well-being. Act on what feels good, and not on what doesn’t feel good, in every area of your life — your body, career, living situation, family, friendships, and everything else.

If you attend to and focus on your feeling good and act from good feelings, you’ll get more reasons to experience good feelings. (If you focus on your feeling bad and act from bad feelings, on the other hand, you’ll get more reasons to experience bad feelings.)

Simple Secret #5:

Connect with yourself.

Recognize that what you want isn’t actually an experience with another person; it isn’t actually physical sex. Lust is an expression of your internal guidance system communicating to you that it wants to connect with you.

So connect with yourself — in regard to every area of your life, including your body, career, living situation, family, friendships, etc.

Rather than tuning out and avoiding and escaping yourself, tune in and face yourself. Imagine experiencing what you truly want to experience, respond to your doubts and fears, and do what you’ve been wanting to do that would make you feel closer to yourself. Pursue whatever would make you feel fully alive and fully yourself.

Simple Secret #6:

Enjoy the journey.

It’s not about the destination. If you’re always trying to get to some experience, you’ll never get to it. Be in it and present to it now.

Enjoy the tension, the buildup. Enjoy the dance, enjoy the rhythm. Enjoy the journey. And you’ll experience what you want to experience every step of the way, making every aspect of it pleasurable.


Over many years of guiding others, I’ve helped many people create spectacular experiences in their lives (of every sort) using my Life Guidance System. If you’d like help creating spectacular experiences in your life — in a relationship, career, or any other area — apply for a Free 30-Minute Spectacular Experiences Now Session, in which you’ll:

* Get completely clear about what you truly want.

* Become aware of exactly what actually has been holding you back from getting everything you want up until now.

* Leave the session re-energized and inspired, with clarity about the next steps that you can take, beginning now, to get everything you want.

Ready to create spectacular experiences of every kind? Contact me now and let’s get started making this happen!
Jan 16, 2017
+4 Votes
4710 PointsGold
Hi. It all starts with communication. And DON'T try to make your sex partner do things you like but they DO NOT like. Very rude and not a good way to keep them around.
Jul 27, 2017
+1 Vote
3250 PointsGold
If You do it the "oldfashioned" way You know the person first. One night stands arent the right way to go even though You might get "better" at sex, over time, at the expense of other people. The old fashioned way will make You comfortable enough to talk with Your partner about Your "shortcomings" and You will make Your experience better - together. Sex aint a competition anyway but an beautiful experience between two people. Relax. We arent suppoced to be perfectionists in bed. Focus on Your partner when having sex and Youll get the pressure of Your own lack of experience and lack of confidence and focusing on the other person will make you a good lover.
Feb 18, 2018
+1 Vote