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How can I make my experience of life more consistently positive, rather than having all of these ups and downs?

Life has been such a rollercoaster and I don't like it.
asked Feb 27, 2017
16060 PointsGold
I’m sorry that life has been like this for you.  Life seems like a rollercoaster when we react to everything that’s happening in our lives as if what’s outside us is the source of our internal experiences.  When we feel like the people and the world outside of us determine what we experience, we go up and down with everything that happens around us.  

In order to make life a smoother ride, the key is to recognize that you are the source and sole determiner of everything that you experience.  No one and nothing can make you feel anything that you have not already been making yourself feel.  Considering this, if life seems to be making you feel something, it’s up to you to ask yourself how, and in regard to what area or areas of your life, you have been making yourself feel this.  Then you can make changes where appropriate, and also express appreciation in the right direction (toward yourself most importantly, even if also toward others).

When you take responsibility for your own experience and focus on where you actually want to go, you become the driver of your life.  No longer are you the passenger on a rollercoaster, with tracks laid out for you up and down and all over the place.  You are the driver of your own car on an open road where you can choose to go any direction you wish in any moment.

You respond to your reactions within, rather than acting them out toward others and the world around you.  You create new responses and decide your own outcomes, rather than being another domino in a series of falling dominoes, getting results based on what seems to be inevitable.

When you recognize and acknowledge that the world outside you is just a mirror of the world inside you, you can change anything simply by changing what is within you—what you focus your attention and energy on, how you treat yourself with your internal and external words and actions.  You can step down off of the rollercoaster, watch other people on it for a bit, and then walk away to live the life you really want to be living.

If you’d like help stepping down off of the rollercoaster and becoming the driver of your own life, contact me for a free session now and we’ll get you creating and experiencing a consistently positive, smooth ride.
Feb 27, 2017
+5 Votes
2230 PointsGold
I would like to add to Jonathan's answer with the following:  I’m sitting in the waiting room at the car dealership while my vehicle is being serviced. It’s going to be a few hours and since I live outside their catchment area for a courtesy drop off /pick up, I’m held captive. As I sit here I can’t help think of the topics of a couple of my blog posts – patience and humour – and how appropriate they are. There is nothing to do other than laugh when you find yourself in a situation like this. Laugh, and make sure you have lots of patience.

Of course I have come prepared, and one of the items on my to-do list while I’m here is to write this post. I also have a phone call scheduled with a client (text received as I write: she’s been delayed and will try and reconnect later), and have arranged a meeting with someone else at a nearby coffee shop. So the three to four hours I spend here will not be totally wasted. That being said, it’s not an ideal way to work and I know that by the end of my time here I’ll be getting antsy to get back to the comfort and convenience of my home office.

“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” ― Epictetus

There are going to be lots of times when you will be doing nothing but sitting around and waiting. What we decide to do with that time is the important thing. We can complain, get frustrated, or we can take advantage of the time that has been given to us. It comes back to one of the central things that I have not only learned, but made a central part of my being. That is the principal that there are things we can control, and things we can’t control. Far from being a vague platitude or a toss-away concept, it is a real and focused part of being. Focusing on what we can control means that our actions in the present have meaning and provide a potential for something great to happen. Focusing on that which we can’t control becomes a distraction and more than often or not, leads to failure. When faced with any type of situation, the fundamental question should be: “What, in this situation, can I control and what can I not?” Then focus on what you can control.

“The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

In my coaching practice I frequently work with clients who, for whatever reason, are chasing their time, schedule, employees or staff, events, projects, you name it… Whatever “IT” may be, it is a distraction and almost every time we drill down on the “challenge”, there is a big component that is out of our control. The client, however, believes they must control it either to be successful, or seen to be successful. The obvious question here is, Why? The next question is, What would happen if you stopped focusing on “IT”? If the world would not collapse and instead you were allowed to focus on something over which you had positive control, what would that do for your business/life? I think that is pretty liberating isn’t it?

What is going on in your life right now that is controllable and what isn’t and what are you doing about it?
Feb 28, 2017
+3 Votes