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I’ve done so much for my partner and it’s never enough. What do I do here?

My partner has been expecting so much of me.  I’m about ready to give up on this relationship.
asked Mar 5, 2017
16060 PointsGold
I hear you.  The only way we can understand other people’s actions sometimes is to understand the root of them:  Our interactions with other people are always reflections of our interactions with ourselves.  If your partner has been expecting a lot of you and it seems like nothing is ever enough no matter how much you do, then your own internal GPS has been experiencing this very same thing with you.  

In other words, your own internal guidance is saying to you that it feels like you have been expecting too much of it, like it has done so much already and no matter how much it does, it never seems to be enough for you.  And your own internal guidance has gotten to the point that it’s about ready to give up on this relationship with you.

So why would your internal GPS be saying this to you?  You can understand this better if you pay attention to exactly how your partner has been treating you and making you feel these things.  For this is how you’ve been treating your internal GPS.  In this case, your partner probably hasn’t been acknowledging all of the work you’ve done and all of the attention you’ve given already.  Instead, your partner has probably been focusing on what you haven’t done.  And this is what has been making you feel like nothing you do is ever enough and that you are about ready to give up.

The solution here begins with you asking yourself in which area or areas of life you have been focusing on what you haven’t done yet instead of appreciating what you have already done, and on what hasn’t happened yet instead of appreciating what has already happened.  Has this been in your career and money situation?  In your body and health situation?  In your family situation?  In your living situation?  In your friendships?  In your romantic relationship, itself?

Once you recognize where you have been treating yourself as your partner has been treating you, you can change how you’ve been treating yourself.  Here, you can focus more on what you’ve already done and what has already happened and take some time to appreciate this, express gratitude for this, and thereby encourage more of this, rather than focusing on what you haven’t done yet and what hasn’t happened yet, which is just discouraging and demotivating and makes you not want to do anything anymore.

The result is that the mirror of your relationship with your partner will come to reflect these changes in your focus of attention and the way you are treating yourself.  And you will be supported in being made to feel how you are now making yourself feel, instead—like your efforts matter and are appreciated.

If you acknowledge that you’ve been making yourself feel what your partner has been making you feel, and you change how you make yourself feel (which may take some time and practice), the mirror of your life must change.  If your relationship doesn’t change much or at all after you’ve actually made changes for a while, this is when it is time to ask yourself whether it is in regard to your relationship, itself, that you have been expecting too much of yourself—by staying in it in the first place.  

But first, make changes to yourself.  Because if you get rid of the mirror of your relationship when it is time to be learning and applying the lessons from it, you will end up needing to learn these same lessons somewhere else, often in a more intensified form even than here.  So you might as well make these changes now and then see where this leads you.  Because you will see how you’ve been making yourself feel at some point, somewhere in your life.  And the goal is to expand to new areas of your life, rather than to avoid things and shrink your existence due to unpleasant, but accurate, reflections of your own treatment of yourself.

If you would like help navigating and applying the lessons of your relationship and creating more positive experiences for yourself here and elsewhere, contact me now and we’ll immediately get started recognizing and making changes in your relationship with yourself so that you can experience something new and better in the mirror of your relationship with your partner.
Mar 5, 2017
+6 Votes
440 PointsSilver
I am a big believer in the power of training your mind to change your life! So in your relationship, isn't it great that they do expect so much of you? If they didn't they might not care much about you. (Mind shift!)

It's important to think about expectations and assumptions. Expectations are communitcated, and followed through in the relationship. Have you and your partner actually sat down and talked about expectations of each other in your relationship? In all areas of your relationship?

If not it may be time to have that conversation. I remember when my husband and I went through a time where expectations where unclear. We haves made some changes in how we eat, and although I love cooking, managing all these specific menus was very time consuming. So we had a conversation about the expectations, and guess what, I was putting more pressure on myself than I needed.
Mar 9, 2017
+3 Votes