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How do I know if she’s the one?

asked Jan 10, 2017
16060 PointsGold
You’re dating and you find someone and you’re just not sure if this is or is not the one.  How do you know for sure?  You could certainly just get married and find out later that things really aren’t working or simply aren’t everything you really want them to be, or that they are.  But if you want to know before then if she’s the one you want to spend your life with, there are some key ways to determine this.

Here are 5 powerful tips to know if she’s the one:

Tip #1:
You feel like you’re naturally inclined to be a version of yourself that you like most of the time you’re with her.  Different people bring out and reflect back different aspects of us.  Different romantic relationships show us different parts of ourselves.  We often need to address and change a lot of the less good things in ourselves that we see reflected back in various relationships before we meet someone with whom we actually feel like we want to feel most of the time.  

Tip #2:
When you’re true to yourself and do what’s good for you, your relationship with her grows and gets better overall.  If being true to yourself and doing what’s good for you consistently seems to make the relationship with her worse, then she’s probably not the one.

Tip #3:
You met her when you were at least somewhat open to meeting, and ready to meet, the one.  If you weren’t in any way asking to meet the one, then she probably isn’t the one.  
Let’s delve deeper into this.  If you still haven’t figured out other significant aspects of your life—like what you want to do with your life, for example—and you really feel like you need to have other things happen or to do other things before you even meet the one, then you probably haven’t yet met the one.  This is particular to you.  It depends on what you feel needs to happen first.  If you feel like you need to make more money to be able to provide for someone, or to get your own place, or to get in shape, or to work out issues with your family, or to get clearer about what you want in a romantic relationship, or whatever else, in order to be able to feel confident and comfortable and ready to meet the one, then you either need to do these things first or let go of the feeling that you need to do these things first in order to be able to meet the one.  So if you haven’t gotten ready to meet the one in this way yet according to your own ideas about what would allow you to be ready, you probably haven’t yet met the one.

Tip #4:
You’re going the direction you want to be going on the roads of life, and she’s going the same direction on the same road.  If you’re somewhere on a sidestreet of life, not going a direction you’ll be going for very long, and you meet someone on that street, you’ll likely be parting ways at some point.  But if you’re on a main highway of your life, going a direction you’ll be going for a long time, and you meet someone on that highway, you’ll likely continue to play roles in each other’s lives for a long time—be it romantic relationship, friendship, or otherwise.  It’s not that you need already to be where you ultimately want to be.  But if you weren’t already at least beginning seriously to head the direction you want to be headed ultimately in some way when you met this person, it’s unlikely that this is the one.  If you were headed the direction you want to be headed ultimately when you met this person—in terms of your mindset about various things that are particularly important to you—then it’s possible that she’s the one.  Keep in mind, though, that sometimes the one plays a pivotal role in getting you on track as you follow her lead because she’s showing you, by example, the direction you would like to be headed yourself.  So, in this case, you might simply have been open to going the right direction for you and not already be going it fully when you met her.

Tip #5:
When you really imagine how you ultimately want to feel in a relationship (five years from now, ten years from now, twenty years from now), you can imagine feeling all of this with her.  If trying to imagine what you really want to feel in a relationship ultimately is extremely difficult with her in the picture, she’s probably not the one.


Over many years of guiding others, I’ve helped many people find and identify the one, and I’ve helped many people improve their relationships with the one, using my Life Guidance System.  So if you’d like help determining if you’ve met the one, contact me for a Free 30-Minute Is She The One? Clarity Session, in which you’ll:

* Get completely clear about what you truly want in a romantic relationship.

* Become aware of exactly what actually has been holding you back from getting everything you want in a romantic relationship up until now.

* Leave the session re-energized and inspired, with clarity about whether or not she’s the one and what the next steps are that you can take, beginning now, to get everything you want in the area of romantic relationships.

Ready for clarity about your romantic relationship?  Contact me now and let’s get started!
Jan 10, 2017
+5 Votes
15520 PointsGold
She is the one if:
- she shares the same goals, values, and priorities as you
- you help each other grow
- you both are open and communicative
- you both are willing to commit to each other
- you are both attractive in each other's eyes
- she helps bring out the best in you
Jan 10, 2017
+3 Votes