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I am a good person, so I don’t understand why more good things don’t happen to me. What to do?

asked Mar 31, 2017
28850 PointsGold
I know it’s cliché but BREATHEEEEEEE! Okay, I mean it. But not the usual shallow-stay-alive breaths, but the long inhaling, long exhaling kind. I mean it, inhale for a count of 7 or 8 then exhale for no less than a count of 8 or until you are out of air. Keep inhaling/exhaling until you feel a noticeable change in your body. It does not matter what changes; just do this until something you feel or sense a difference, hopefully a good difference.

I’m reaching here since your question is so general. But, because I’m the optimistic type, I’m going to assume that you are a very nice, kind person. You are considerate of others, you give to charities, you feed stray cats, you love children, you’re kind to strangers, and you recycle recyclables, etc. So, you can’t understand why more good things are not coming your way in return. You live by the motto that if you do good in the world then good things will come to you. So, you’re waiting for the good that is supposed to be coming your way to come, right.

Now, I’ve got ask you to consider that perhaps your motives for doing all this good stuff might be the problem. I’m also wondering if your expectations of something good happening for you is getting in the way too. Are you doing these things just so good things will happen for you? While you’re feeding stray cats or feeding the homeless are you wondering who’s watching. In other words, “Are your expectation of rewards slow in coming because you are overly focused on the reward, instead of being wholeheartedly immersed in the good deed?

Let’s do an experiment. Tomorrow, do all the good deeds you can and keep looking over your shoulder to see who’s there to commend you for it. Write down what happens. Now on the next day, don’t do any of your usual do-gooder stuff and write down how you feel. Then on the third day go through the day as if there is no good to do; but if some opportunity to do something good comes—do it, but only if you feel like it. If you are not in the mood then leave it for some other kind person to do. If you want, you may record this day, but it’s not necessary. At the end of each day discuss with yourself what you think happened for you, within. In other words, you are looking inside to see what you are feeling or thinking. Whatever it is pay close attention to see what you may have learned about yourself. On the fourth day, begin the cycle again. Do this for 21 days, which is about 7-cycles of the experiment.

My guess is that once you stop monitoring your good-deed behavior and begin the love doing a deed for its own sake then you won’t be concerned at all with your reward and you may realize that just doing good is enough for you. Besides, you can’t expect that pretentiousness will bring happiness of any kind, much less rewards. In the meantime, breathe.
Mar 31, 2017
+3 Votes
15520 PointsGold
I think it is amazing that you are a good person.  You should continue to keep doing good things.

Just because you are a good person and do good things, does not mean you deserve anything. No one owes you anything. Come from a place of giving without any expectation of recieving or needing anything in return. Give selflessly.

Be greatful for the good that does happen to you. Why do you feel you need to have more and more good things? First, be happy with what you have. Every day after you wake up and before going to bed think of everything that you are greatful for.

Continue to help others and be a good person without needing or expecting anything in return. This will lead to increased happiness. The less you need, the happier you will be.
Apr 5, 2017
+1 Vote