loading ChatOwl...

Coming Soon

Experience 30 days of free chat therapy by ChatOwl.

By joining you secure your free 30 days chat therapy with ChatOwl.
Or browse our content

How do I demand respect?

asked Apr 2, 2017
28850 PointsGold
Hmmm, my first thought is that you should not have to demand something that is rightfully yours. So, let me offer that you not think that you have to demand respect, but rather think of respect as something that you deserve. However, let me back up a second and defined what I think you mean by respect.

Respect is admiration based on an intrinsic, natural way of being; or an external behavior or accomplishment; it’s honoring or giving deference to a person, place, or thing for a value based on the one’s personal principals or ideals.

Two things I want you to notice 1) How you respond to someone else’s ideas about you and 2) People’s admiration is based on their personal beliefs.

Number One: It’s human and natural in our world to be concerned about what others think about us. Frankly, it’s not a bad thing because it keeps some folk inline—keeping them from hurting themselves or others. But, here you’re wondering about being respected when you may not have all the facts, or perhaps I don’t have all the facts. So the first thing you might want to do is gather the facts based on your definition of respect (not mine). Then if you know that the disrespect is valid then we can talk about what you may do about it, or if doing anything is even necessary. But, don’t beat yourself up for caring, it’s a human response.

On the other hand, if you don’t want to care about what others think then we can talk about a deeper practice you can practice to overcome this problem.

Number Two: People give respect based on their personal definition of the word. What I’m saying here is that when someone gives or withholds respect he or she does so based on their values. For example, a person who is health conscious may have little or no respect for a person who eats processed foods. Or, someone who reads a book a week (topic of interest to them) may not have much respect for a person who seldom or never read a book. Final example, a political savvy, activist type may not have any respect for a religious or spiritual person.

Do you see what I’m saying? So, you may be craving respect from someone who has her or his personal respect code that may not match what is important to you. If you discovered that the person who is disrespecting you does so based on values that are not important to you would you still care? Would you still think that it is disrespect?

Now, you may do a few things: 1) Ask the person why is it that she or he responded to you in the manner (be specific) that she or he did to see what is really going on; 2) After you find out what is going on you can decide if you still care (if you do reach out to me); and 3) You may have enough information, now, about what is important to you so that you longer have to gauge whether you’re being disrespected by others.

Finally, a lovely way to demand respect is to give it, centered on your values. And remember, you don’t have to demand something that is yours with or without someone else’s approval.
Apr 2, 2017
+2 Votes