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I believe my daughter has a self-esteem problem. What can I do about it?

She’s is a 21-year old shy, but attractive, young woman. She is not very assertive and she carry’s herself like she would melt if anyone looked at her. Also, I’ve overheard others talking to her in ways that are disrespectful, and she doesn’t speak up to defend herself. I’ve tried to talk to her to find out what’s going on, but she doesn’t seem to think that anything is wrong, I’m worried that she’s going to run into some fast-talker and find herself in the worse kind of trouble.
asked Apr 4, 2017
28850 PointsGold
Hi Mom!, Dad!

Here’s the good news: 1) Your daughter doesn’t think that she has a problem, which maybe an indication that she is good with herself. And until she expresses that she is not good with herself there is nothing either of us can do; 2) she is attractive, which never hurts no matter who you are and what you’re like. Face it we live in a very external appearance world where good looks will work when nothing else will, and 3) you’ve expressed your concerns to her.

Here’s the not as good news: You are worried and perceive that she is shy, vulnerable, and non-assertive. In essence, you are the one with the problem. You’re afraid that something bad, perhaps good, is going to happen to your daughter and she won’t be able to manage it.

Now, here’s the great news: You reached out for help! And here’s your answer: Tell her (perhaps again) everything you’ve told me, but this time tell her without the fear or anxiety but with loving, parental concern. Let her know that your fears have nothing to do with your faith in her, but all do to with being a worrying parent. Then let her know that you are getting a personal coach to help you with your anxiety. Tell her how proud you are to have her as a daughter and how much you love her. Then contact me immediately and let’s begin our coaching relationship, getting you on the road to anxiety recovery!
Apr 4, 2017
+6 Votes