Question

Our children are older and don't need either of us the way they did when they were younger. She has to be out of excuses.

Answer 1

Maybe start with anything but sex. What I mean is don't even mention sex and try just going to a great dinner, give her a back rub (wo trying to have sex), give her a genuine compliment, or maybe just vacuum the rugs! Foreplay starts way before sex is initiated. I find it is the small things that peak my interest in my partner. When he is sweet and thoughtful I'm more apt to want to be close to him. I always tell clients a little goes a long way.

Answer 2

I'm sure you have shared your frustrations with her. If you haven't a heartfelt, very vulnerable truth-telling conversation is where you must start.  I can assure you that if she still wants to have sex with you then this conversation will be a new beginning.
Next, you have got let her know that while you love having sex with her, IT is not more important than she is to you. She needs to know that she, not her body, is the most important thing in your relationship.
Then, you want to ask her some question like
What makes you happy?
What can I do to support you?
Is there anything that you want me to know or do that I am over looking?
Is there anything that you need right this minute that I can do?  
Tell her you love her and that you want her to be happy, because her happiness is important to you.
Hug her and leave her with her thoughts. Let her know that you are available to talk more is she wants or needs to.  Let me know what happens in the days to come.

Answer 3

Hi James,

You might think that your wife is out of excuses to not have sex with you but really that's not how it is.

Sex is complicated for women and while she might have an "excuse" it's really more complicate than that.

Women need to feel connected to want to have sex. Connected to her partner. Do you think your wife feels connected to you?

Do you make an effort to talk with her? To listen to her? To do nice things for her? To notice how she looks or to recognize her successes?

Make an effort to be connected to your wife. Ask her what she needs to feel connected to you.

You might find it challenging to do so but if it gets your wife to have sex with you won't it be worth it in the long run?

Good luck!

Mitzi Bockmann

Answer 4

James,

Women are always wondering, "Am I lovable?" ... Men are always wondering, "Am I enough?" Women want to feel loved for who they are on the inside. Whereas men want to be appreciated for what they do on the outside. So, for you, James, if your wife is being very appreciative of things you do and showing you respect, you are more likely to feel happy in your relationship with her. But it's different for your wife. She needs to know you love her for who she is on the inside. That is the key to unlocking her desire for sex. If she feels loved by you, she will likely be more interested in sex. I would be happy to speak with you more on this and help you crack the code.