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How do I get over my attraction to my friend? He knows I'm gay but not about my attraction

asked Apr 26, 2017
560 PointsSilver
While we all prefer it otherwise, there is no "easy button" when it comes to reconciling our feelings for someone. There is a part of you which will hold on and continue to hope because there is this ambiguity wherein he does not know about your attraction and thus has not been able to speak for himself on his thoughts or feelings on the matter. This leaves wiggle room for you to continue to hope, fantasize or even wish  because even if rationally you know that he may not reciprocate your feelings, emotionally by not being fully honest you leave yourself room for said hope.
The only way to begin to reconcile the rational and emotional is through full disclosure and honest communication, IF you feel safe doing so. Once you are provided an answer from your friend you can then begin to accept the truth from his mouth direct and choose your next course of action. But staying in this grey area unfortunately only precipitates and enables the attraction.
I would be happy to further assist you if you would like to set up a time to speak! Until then I wish you much luck!
Apr 27, 2017
+5 Votes
15520 PointsGold
You are attracted to who you are attracted to. You do not control this at first glance. Over time it is possible to lose attraction for this person, however, what is wrong with being attracted to him in the first place? If you just want to be friends with this person, you do not need to make any comments about liking your friend. Just continue hanging out with him and doing what you guys enjoy. It does not need to be wierd or awkward that you like him. If you really want to get over your attraction, then do not spend a lot of time or energy thinking about him in that way. Just divert those thoughts. Maybe he is also gay and would want something more, if you are into that too.
Apr 26, 2017
+3 Votes
8660 PointsGold
I would ask yourself what is attractive about him to you. A lot of times we are attracted to the qualities in that person and that makes them even more attractive, especially if they're our friends.

It's like my friend Nick. He was so obsessed with this girl at work. He couldn't get her out of his head: he just loved everything about her, but she wasn't into him.

A few weeks after he realized what he liked about her and started focusing on those qualities instead of the girl, a new paralegal came to the office and he liked her even more.

She had all the qualities office girl had, but had more qualities he didn't even know he wanted.

Sometimes we have people and situations in life that give us a feeling of what we want, so we can really understand what our needs and desires are, and if we listen to that, everything falls into place in the most unexpected ways.
Jul 27, 2017
+1 Vote