I was sitting outside in my red and yellow striped Italian hammock this weekend feeling pretty fancy and free.
The warm late fall breeze caressed my skin and I gasped a little sigh of delight as I inhaled the Abe Lincoln rose petal that was pretty intoxicating.
If you’d told me twenty years ago that I’d have a beautiful family, two gorgeous soul children, a dream roster of soul mate clients, be in the best shape of my life, have a marriage that is magic and loving and own a home of my own I probably would have laughed at you.
I thought I wanted it all. I cried about it. I dreamed of it. But never ever did I imagine that in order to truly be able to have it all, is to have to ironically get truly nitty gritty with the parts of me that actually didn’t want it all or didn’t know how to actually hold it all.
I was so focused on my complaint, melancholy and heartache of not having it all, that I hardly recognized that there were some deep imprints in my heart, mind and body that we’re definitely concerned and actually ultimately didn’t want it all, and even more, slithering through my nervous system, that I wasn't safe to.
That was really hard to look at.
I watched the sharp, stubborn, convinced part of my mind lock onto my unhappiness about not having it all.
I really believed I only wanted only fulfillment. But as I picked my nails and found ways to criticize myself I knew there was much more self-sabotage there behind the scenes to look at more closely.
So I did.
I’m a huge fan of inquiry and using an ancient method of repeated questioning asked myself the following question, which I have since asked thousands of clients.
What parts of you don't want to be fulfilled?
What parts have something to gain from staying where you are?
What might you be replaying from your past or fears from the parts that don't want to be fulfilled?
Some people call these secondary gains from staying stuck, and I think it's a very worthy endeavor for those of us who find ourselves not where we would like to be at times.
I labored with heavy breathing in my ask.
And kicked my anxious mind to the side and put her on a timeout with big heart daycare. (this can be loving and fun.)
And just loved the heck out of her naked ego fears of actually being fulfilled, soul style, all the way.
This is where I had to turn down the volume of rational mind streams that would say, 'of course you want to be happy and fulfilled, of course, you do, you've been wanting this forever, of course...'
Well, maybe it wasn't of course.
Maybe it was too scary and it was time to see the fears for what they were.
And what were they?
Voices that kept me stuck.
Voices that sounded so familiar and freaking old.
Voices that made my body feel stuck and in pain.
Voices that I hadn't made time to consciously sit with.
And most important.
Voices that simply, were, untrue.
People think that facing these parts is unpopular and going to hold you back. They're not very Law of Attraction popular, but you cannot manifest anything with unseen boogeymen or women, in this case, running the show.
And this is a huge fundamental mistake I see over and over again in the coaching industry without having the trauma clearing work we do over here to actually clear it.
People think facing these things will hurt you, not help you.
But, the opposite is true.
And since facing those parts, I've never been more confident, nor able to manifest. It's like someone took the dryer screen out, scraped off the lint, and stuck it back in, and the clothes dry so much better, only my soul delight, peace and happiness is evident and only here to stay.
This is what I want for you, all the way.
Your deep embodied fulfillment matters, of your soul, your heart, your desires, your gifts, all the way friends.
And the way I see it from the ones I work with, you're either in the embodied full-on world of fulfillment, or the land of empty discontent in some way or another.
And you have a choice, right now, of which way you want to go.
I mean, is there really a choice?
Get your soul fulfillment on, get the soul love and intimacy you deserve, the full bliss of living your soul expression, gifts, and purpose out loud, and get going on leaving soul legacy.