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Breaking Free From a Victim Mindset posted Mar 6, 2017


Victimization is a choice. Period. It may not feel like it at the moment when you're feeling sorry for yourself, but you can choose a different response to life's struggles. Take a look a the list of what victims say when things go wrong to see if any of them applies to you? I've listed a few traits below.

Why does everything always happen to me?

1. If only/what if:

 Once I get through all this, then I can start to live

 When this changes, then I can do that,  

  If I wasn’t alone I could do that.  If I had money, If I had support.

 And the list goes on…

I’ll do it after …

Only after this happens, then I can do that.

Ie: If I win the lottery, I can have the house I’ve always dreamed of

Feeling helpless

I can’t because:  I’m too short, I’m not educated enough, I’ve only ever done x, I don’t have the money.

I act helpless and isolated in order to avoid discomfort or responsibility

If I am a victim, then there is nothing I can do to fix this situation.

Focus on the problem  

Putting all the energy and attention on the actual problem and refusing any other information to come into it.    

If you are cold, what do you do?  Turn on the heat. Put on a coat.

If it is dark, what do you do?  Turn on the light.

You cannot fix the problem with the same energy that created the problem, you must raise your vibration to solve it.   You wouldn’t just wish to be warm, you certainly wouldn’t go into the refrigerator, you would do the opposite of cold, find sources of heat.

Living in the past  

Every time we repeat a story, we are in the past.  If you are alone, how do you become not alone?   But I’ve always been alone…

I have always been this way…

Separation of self, victims see themselves apart from the situation 

This is happening to me and outside of me, again helpless to affect the situation.   

Can be defensive and self-absorbed   

These are mechanisms to continue the behavior and to keep others from breaking through

Unwilling to take risks with an exaggerated fear of negative outcomes 

Feelings that if I take action, it will only end in failure anyway. 

Tends to reject constructive criticism or attempts to help them move past victimization

Passive aggressive behavior to stay just the way they are.

Expresses feelings of shame, self-blame, and depression

exhibits low self-esteem and self-confidence

Victims rarely have confidence or self-esteem, they find comfort in low-level energy.

Releasing the victim mindset

There are positive intentions to the victim mentality:

Attention and validation.

 You can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out. On the other hand, it may not last for that long as people get tired of it.  The caveat here is that these feelings are coming from outside of yourself.

You don’t have to take risks.

When you feel like a victim you tend to not take action and then you don’t have to risk rejection or failure.

Don’t have to take, the seemingly heavy, responsibility.

Taking responsibility for your own life can be work, you may have to make what seem to be difficult decisions.

In the short term, it can feel like the easier choice to not take personal responsibility.

It makes you feel right.

When you feel like the victim, you are right and everyone else is wrong, then that can lead to feelings of empowerment, however temporary.

Breaking free from being a victim


 Know the benefits of a victim mentality.  

Simply becoming aware of the behavior is the first and most important step toward changing it.

Become aware of how to make the positive intention work in a truly empowered way.

Take responsibility for your life. 

This is a choice and it requires courage, commitment, and responsibility.  The good news is when you take responsibility for yourself, no one else can disappoint you and you are in charge of your feelings and actions.


Being grateful for everything you do have raises the vibration and allows the imagination to open and create a new reality.  Being grateful opens the door for even greater things to enter your life.  It helps us to realize our inner power and strength. 


 There is going to be an entire article later on this subject.   

For now, the most important person to forgive is yourself. 

As you forgive others, you release the weight inside yourself and you free up huge energy stores to create whatever you desire.  Forgiveness starts slowly and integrates over time.   See the article of forgiveness for a deeper look at what is necessary to have real forgiveness.

Turn your focus outward and help someone out. 

Giving is one of the highest vibrations there is and when we focus on something other than ourselves there is no room for victimization.  Serving or giving to others not only helps them, but service is also how we move toward self-empowerment and away from the immobility of victimhood.

Empower yourself! Help somebody!

560 PointsSilver

Andrea Nardozza

/ Intagrative Life Coach Reiki Pract.