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How to deal with insecurities and be more confident posted May 21, 2017

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Some insecurities come up only when triggered. Others are staring at you daily, as soon as you wake up. The sure thing is: everybody’s got something. 

How can we deal with it on the emotional level? What can we do NOW, so we feel better about ourselves?

How NOT to do it: Ineffective dealing with insecurities.

You might have observed, that sometimes people try to cover the very thing that stands out most about them. Perfecting every aspect of their appearance,  painting their relationship in a perfect light, informing you of their high life, they try to convince you, they have it all figured out or that they belong to an elite, while their actions and body language are pointing an observer to a different conclusion… Because of their motives they come across as inauthentic, hence it’s hard for them to really connect with others. 

Others may be so self-conscious of their imperfections, they withdraw, comparing themselves, letting their imperfections, or past failures overshadow a number of their wonderful attributes. They deny themselves the full participation in life, or in anything worthwhile.

So what can be done? I see just two choices:

OWN IT OR CHANGE IT!

And that is all.

Let me explain...

1. How do you “own it”?

If things can’t be changed, (and when I say "can't" you need to really examine if that is an absolute truth about your situation, nit just another limiting belief) we step on an often long and windy road to self acceptance, to come to terms with the “insecurities”, until one day they don’t bother us any longer. Until one day they become a gift. And in the end we can see a good reason for them to be in our life. 

But self-acceptance doesn't have to take long.  Have you ever listened to someone - perhaps a famous person, sharing their own struggles and you discovered that because of their story, it's easier to accept your own? Or maybe you joined a support group and discovered you are not alone? Yes, the relief can happen in an instant. 

2. Feeling confident by “changing it.”

Another way of dealing with insecurities is changing it / or working on changing it. 

You do not have to reach the final goal to feel more confident

First you need to make a powerful decision. You make a 100% commitment to change the situation. Your mind and heart says “YES!” and you have the faith you can do this. Decision happens in a nanosecond, however it can take forever for us to come to a point of making it. Sometimes I think it's because we just like to suffer sometimes. We want to get to the bottom of the feeling, we analyze our pain too long. 

Once the decision is made: I am going to take steps to change my situation, it can also take a long time to reach our goal. But you will notice one interesting thing: you do not have to reach the final goal to feel more confident. Just by taking small, consistent actions towards the change, step by step, day after day, you will feel increasingly better about yourself. But action must be taken. NO ACTION – NO CONFIDENCE.

(Of course when you reach the goal your confidence will blow up all the emergency valves.)

If you are into it, you can even say a prayer:

“Dear Universe, please give me the power, wisdom and patience, to change what can be changed. And open my heart to self compassion and kindness, so I can accept myself fully; and see the Gift in this challenge. Now.”

Have patience with all things but above all: have patience with yourself. – St. Frances de Sales

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