If falling in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world, letting go of love is the most horrible feeling in the world. There are few things worse than the pain of losing a love – the pit in your stomach, the broken heart, the feelings of despair and hopelessness.
Letting go of love is not easy but it is possible. Just follow these steps and before you know it, you will be able to let go and move on with your life. Here is a list of 5 steps to letting go of love, even when your heart is broken:
#1 – Ask yourself how determined you are to do this.
Before you begin any life-changing process, you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10, how close to a 10 are you? Without steadfast determination, you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as getting past a lost love.
So, are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren’t strong enough to do this yet?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer. By allowing some time to pass, you will get stronger and you will eventually be ready to achieve this challenging task.
#2 – Cut him off.
I know that we all think we need “closure” at the end of a relationship. We want that final conversation to say what we feel and to hear the other person out in an attempt to gain understanding. I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. Closure is really one last attempt to reconcile, because actually, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, couldn’t you just make it work as a couple?
So when you have decided that the relationship is over, cut him off and stay away from places where you know he will be. Block him on your phone and on social media. Change your habits to break the addiction.
Let's use Oreo cookies as an example. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It’s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle, the circle that you were so determined to leave. So, go no contact right away. It will make the process way easier!
#3- Ask yourself what it is that you need to let go of.
This is very important. Identify what’s stopping you from letting go?
A technique I used with a recent client who struggled with letting go was onion peeling. She had to imagine her hold-ups as layers of an onion that he had to peel back to get to the core of her strength to let go. She identified her first layer as anger. She was angry with him because of the way he treated her and she was angry with herself allowing it. Before she was able to move to her second layer, we had to first deal with her anger.
The second layer was letting go of the hopes and dreams she had for their lives together. It had all seemed so promising at the beginning and she was still struggling to believe that it couldn’t go back to what it was. But she knew it couldn’t and she knew that she would have to let go of those hopes and dreams in order to move on.
The third layer was figuring out how to let him go, without letting go of the love she still felt for him because of the experiences they shared. She knew they didn’t have a future together, but she cherished the time she spent with him.
By examining each layer of the onion, my client was able to peel back and discard one emotional layer at a time, which left her with the one piece that she wanted to hold on to, one that wouldn’t hold her back from moving on but that she would carry with her in her heart going forward.
#4 – Ask yourself what is true and what is in your head.
This is such an important piece of letting go.
We all have ideas in our head about what’s true in our relationships but, unfortunately, they are just hopes and dreams that we have made up over the course of the relationship.
I have a client who had hopes and dreams of a life that she wanted with her boyfriend, which had absolutely no basis in reality. Her dream included moving to the woods, raising sheep, having kids and growing old together. She was adamant about her beliefs and she believed that he would oblige if he really loved her.
She didn’t realize that her dream, albeit wonderful, was the complete opposite of what her boyfriend desired for himself. He loved the city, hated livestock and didn’t want kids for at least another decade.
I asked her to consider what she knew about him; what he did and didn’t want, and stack them up against what she wanted for herself. Upon completion of this task, she was able to see her hopes and dreams with this partner were unrealistic. Armed with that knowledge she was one step closer to letting him go.
#5 – Ask yourself what you desire in a relationship.
- The final part of letting go is knowing exactly what you want from your partner. (It’s really hard to get what you want if you don’t know what that is.) n, make a list of those desires. Consider your current partner as you’re going through the process. If you notice that your current partner doesn’t match up to your list, perhaps you should reconsider. Hopefully, you’re able to discern using logic instead of emotions, as using your heart as a guide is how you ended up in this pickle.
Step #6 – Get yourself back out there.
You’re probably feeling like you may never love again. Getting out there doesn’t mean you have to fall in love. It merely means dressing up, going out and having fun.It'ss likely that you’ll find another love in the process.
Looking for more help letting go of love? Contact me and I can help!