I need to lose weight.
I want to stop being afraid of success.
I want to end my self-sabotage.
I spent the first 30 years of my life battling thoughts like these.
In a world where fitting into a mold is welcomed and even encouraged, it is so easy and natural to fall into the pattern of trying to change who we are in order to become more like everyone else.
We focus on what we dislike and want to get rid of on a daily basis, but rarely on what we love and wish to keep, creating a never-ending cycle of trying too hard and then feeling like a failure.
But the more I tried to lose that weight, stop that fear, and end those habits, the longer these things held on. The more I struggled to release them, the tighter their hold grew, and the more challenging the letting go became.
We think that by ignoring something or telling these pieces of ourselves to leave that they will simply listen—but they don’t. Instead, they dig in their heels, plant their roots deeper, and scream louder than ever.
When we deny something’s existence or fail to honor why it is showing up, it creates the opposite of what we want, and we actually end up creating more of the very thing we are trying to release instead.
Why? Because it has a message for us. And by shutting out, ignoring, denying, or pushing it away, it has to push back even harder to get through.
The truth is, we can’t begin to release what we want until we love it and acknowledge that it is there.
And the best way to release anything is by loving it more.
When you approach it that way, that thing you wanted to go away becomes a positive part of you, and leads you closer to where you want to go.
Because this isn’t how we naturally think, you may need help getting started.
Here are three simple steps to begin:
1. Take inventory of your self. Scan your body, feel your emotions, check in with how you’re feeling, and identify what feels icky, off, or scared. Just by taking the time to check in, you will already feel more appreciated and loved.
2. When you find something that feels off or uncomfortable, say hello. Instead of sweeping it under the rug or ignoring it, talk to it. Journaling, moving your body, and meditating are great ways to spend time with that thing you want gone and see what it wants.
3. Thank it and then release it. You can use breath, visualization, or music and watch it transform from something you thought was a dangerous part of you to something powerful and strong. After that, it has no reason to hang around, and you are one step closer to freedom.