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A 10-Question Relationship Check-in posted Nov 9, 2017

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This is not your normal relationship check-in for couples but instead, it’s a check-in for the relationship you have with yourself.

If we were to sit down and have a conversation with yourself about how you’ve been staying connected to yourself throughout while in a relationship with your significant other, would you say you invested more into yourself, your relationship, or that things balanced out?

We all know that being in relationships require some sort of sacrifice, but it’s also very possible to sacrifice way too much of yourself to the point of getting lost. After getting through the struggle of choosing myself while in relationships, I realized that not staying connected to my true self was one of the main reasons that I lost my sense of self. This behavior led to my being unhappy and staying in unhealthy relationships for far too long.

Lesson learned: 

The most effective way to avoid this common trap of losing one’s sense of self is to nurture the relationship with YOU & YOU.

I know you’ve read this quote before but I’m going to cite it again:

I’m going to challenge you to go beyond just reading the quote but to really think about it. Think about how hard it is to really give time and energy to someone in a positive way when you are not in a good mood. If you are not happy with yourself, how can you truly make someone else happy? In other words, if you are in a constant state of discontentment that energy will spill over into your relationships, and I’ve learned that it doesn't make for a happy experience.

When I'm in a funk, I'm distant, moody, sarcastic and not very affectionate. But then I realize that it's not fair to subject to my partner to my negative energy. He may endure the stress of it and be supportive, but ultimately it's my responsibility to make sure I'm managing my emotional and mental state.

If you are feeling disconnected from yourself, it’s not too late to refocus on yourself. There is a harmonious way to give of yourself to your relationship and hold on to yourself in the process. However, it starts with your taking the time to find your way back to you.

Maintaining a relationship with yourself requires practice. Check-ins are an easy way to make sure you are staying true to who you are while also being in a relationship with a significant other.

  • It allows you to correct the course you’re on before you get completely lost.
  • It forces you to take an intentional pause and reflect on what’s been happening so far.
  • It also increases your chances of having your needs met.

Just as you make an effort to connect with others, connecting with yourself requires time as well. Effective communication is a key component for healthy relationships and it’s no different in the relationship with yourself.

Below are a few questions to get you started with your check-in.

Ask yourself questions frequently and really listen to the answers. Hopefully, it will help you begin the process of reclaiming your sense of self.

It’s time to prioritize yourself, so grab a pen, journal or a computer and find a quiet space to be present. Here goes. Ask yourself,

  1. Have I been catering to my needs or everyone else's?
  2. Have I been doing what really makes me happy or what makes me unhappy?
  3. Have I been investing time and energy into activities that make me feel fulfilled?
  4. Have I been spending time alone so that I'm not pleasing anyone but myself?
  5. Have I been staying in touch with my family?
  6. Have I been staying connected in some way to my closest friends?
  7. Have I been working towards the goals I've set for myself at the beginning of the year?
  8. Am I speaking up when something doesn't feel right within the relationship with my partner?
  9. Am I speaking up about my desires or boundaries?
  10. Am I maintaining my identity and remaining true to who I am?

When you answer these questions honestly, you will gain a greater level of clarity and know around how you are showing up in your relationship with yourself (and others).

Are you being authentic or changing who you are to make relationships with others work?

When you take care of yourself and are true to yourself, you are more likely to feel self-assured and content as a person. As women, we often struggle with maintaining a clear sense of self while in love (i.e., romantic relationships). It may not be romantic to practice a check-in with yourself but it's really important if you want to avoid the risk of losing yourself when you are in a romantic relationship. Take my word, doing a check-in and making the necessary self-adjustments will put you in a much better space to create and sustain a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone else.

Are you getting in the way of your staying connected to yourself while being in love?

340 PointsSilver

Monique Allison

/ Relationship Clarity Coach