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The Truth About Singleness posted Nov 10, 2017

Lonely moments

"It is better to be alone than to be in a messy relationship."

Being single is a state for the fragile heart. It is a time when you watch your friends date, get married and/or have children. You may also find yourself in the dating world and things are not going well.

As a single man or woman, you get lonely and begin to explore possibilities, which may or may not turn out to be “death traps.” You play Russian roulette with finding the right partner and in return you get hurt and feel broken.

You may also find yourself engaging in scrupulous acts or settling for friends with benefits (FWB) because you start to believe that FWB is better than being single. Your soul is then tied with your friend and you may lose your real identity in the process. As a single man/woman, expect the following:

You will have lonely moments

You will feel alone and sometimes sad. Let those times teach you how to find answers to the missing puzzles in your life. Define your needs and values. Focus on where you need to be and how you are going to achieve your goals. You have to be comfortable in your own company and prepare yourself to meet your match--the partner who will eventually complement you.

You will second-guess yourself

There are moments where you will doubt your own abilities and feel incompetent. You may feel overwhelmed by worries while trying your best to make things work. Slow down, don’t doubt yourself or your capabilities. Being single should not make you think you are unable to accomplish certain tasks. Continue being yourself. Focus on learning and growing. Build your relationship with God and allow Him to guide and lead you.

You will be vulnerable

Being single will make you vulnerable especially when you are lonely. You will jump into the arms of the first person to shows up and your flaws will be revealed. You may not be desperate but your emotions will act up. Do not be ashamed when this happens. It shows you are human and have feelings. The right person will never make you feel different from who you are but assure you that everything will be okay.

You may feel like an outcast when with your married friends

Your married and dating friends will get on your nerves sometimes especially when they talk about their partners. It will feel as if they’re rubbing it in your face. Learn to keep your calm. Stay away from comparing yourself to them. Remember everyone’s journey and timing are different.

You will sometimes act in despair

You may be tempted to settle for less than you’re worth when in despair. You work hard to please your partner without leaving room for your partner to understand you. Learn to patiently evaluate your needs and standards when you meet someone. Do not play the wife or husband role when dating. Exercise patience. Do not act in desperation by settling. You may get hurt in the process. It is better to be alone than to be in a messy relationship.

Learn to trust yourself, be patient with yourself and know that love worth having is worth waiting for.

This material is copyright protected and was originally posted on Kemi’s Website. Copyright ©2015 Kemi Sogunle, Excerpt, “Being Single: A State for the Fragile Heart.” by Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

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Kemi Sogunle

/ Life Transformation & Relationship Coach