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Common Dating Challenges for Women Over 40 posted Nov 19, 2017

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Common Dating Challenges for Women Over 40

Singles getting back in the dating world will find they encounter many challenges. But for women over 40, the challenges are different. After all, things have changed since they were in their 20's. Back then, life was more carefree and simple. Here are a few of the most common concerns women over 40 have when entering the dating world.

I am not a size 4. Will anyone be attracted to me?

If these are your thoughts, some internal work is necessary before you present yourself to anyone. You need to do the inner work to get to a place of confidence and comfort with who you are. There are many women who are not strikingly beautiful, long, or lean and yet they are married to wonderful men who love who they are and how they look. More important is that these women love who they are and how they look. So, don’t waste your energy on looking different but start feeling and being different! Radiate the essence of who you are and you will start attracting smart, relationship-minded men who are looking for a sharp, compassionate, fun-loving person like you!

How do I meet singles around my age?

Put yourself out there! Go to places that are of interest to you--classes, sporting events, bookstores, political organizations, gyms, and clubs. When you get there, start a conversation with strangers by asking questions, offering an opinion or seeking some kind of help. Be sure to make eye contact, smile, and show you are authentically interested in the conversation. You can do this by paraphrasing what’s being said and keeping your body language open and receptive. Remember, nothing ventured, nothing lost if you don't meet someone. At the very least, you are honing your social skills!

I can't seem to get past first dates. What am I doing wrong?

You must be doing or saying something that is turning off your dates. See if any of these rings true for you:

  1. Are you coming across too needy or desperate? That would cause the person to find you unappealing or intimidating.
  2. Are you talking too much? It is always a good idea to limit your responses and be a good listener so you don't dominate the entire conversation.
  3. As a woman, are you offering to pay your way too soon? The behavior might be a turn-on or a turn-off, so gage his response and talk about it. As a man, are you expecting a woman to pay her own way? Likewise, this may be an interesting conversation. Most men feel they want to be in control of the first date and like being generous and chivalrous.
  4. Are you picking dates who aren't the right "fit" for you? (Values, education, religion, etc)
  5. Are you sending negative vibes about what you don’t like about him/her--and your date senses it? If you are, you may not be aware of it, so pay attention to his/her body language and make the necessary adjustments.

Other Considerations

  1.  Is your voice tone or body language cold or stand-offish? Maybe you don't want to be there. If that is the case, end the evening.
  2. Are you overstepping healthy physical or verbal boundaries without realizing it? The date will let you know, then you will have to decide if this is the date you want to be with.
  3.  Are you sharing too much about yourself and not leaving anything to your date's imagination?
  4.  Are you too negative, cynical or sarcastic about dating and relationships and letting that come across?

Why do I keep attracting the same type of person into my life?

Many women do this because they gravitate towards what they are used to and what feels most comfortable. If you are used to dating dominating men, for example, a quiet, mellow man may not be someone you find attractive. Without realizing it, your choices become unconscious habits that are difficult to break without some degree of awareness or professional help. Therefore, if you find yourself dating the same type of person over and over again, you need to step outside the box and try something and someone new. Avoid the macho man and the “players.” Allow those with a more sensitive and caring nature to sweep you off your feet. Next, see how the relationship goes. Honestly, you may not have the ability to do something outside of your usual, comfortable box. Professional help is most likely your next step.

With professional help,  you will finally be able to change your relationship pattern and begin attracting the kind of dates that are the best fit for you. 

2760 PointsGold

Amy Sherman, LMHC

/ Therapist & Certified Relationship Coach / LMHC