Relationships - Finding and Keeping “The One”
We know that if we want success in an area of life, it’s best to learn from those who are the most successful at doing that thing. So, I set out with the intention of getting some good solid advice on finding real love and keeping it strong. I posted a question on Facebook to my friends. I asked them about relationships, something along the lines of finding the "one". “Are any of you successfully married peeps out there interested in giving a thought or two on how you found or how you remained in a relationship with your love?” In retrospect, being married was not relevant. I really wanted to hear from those who considered their relationship successful. Below are the responses that I received in one day. A few friends sent through messenger for privacy and some directly on the post. The words of wisdom I received involved loving yourself, appreciating your partner, compromise, and patience, know what you want and ask for it, know when to leave, release the need for control and know that you’re responsible for getting your own needs met. Perhaps, you can find a nugget or two in these loving words.
Best Friends and Catch Them Doing Good
As far as longevity goes, after 22 years married, he’s still my best friend. There are times we fall out of lust or like, but ultimately, he is my buddy. We just really enjoy each other and respect the others’ opinions. We are always growing and changing but doing it together.
Compromise and Patience
Give each other space, alone time is good for the soul. Always have one another's back.
Love Yourself First
BE somebody worth being with. Work on yourself and become comfortable with yourself and your life. At that point, you will also have something to offer in a relationship. When you are happy and not “looking” for someone, you are free to notice things in others that resonate with you. That’s what happened for us.
Know What You Want and Ask for It
How I found him - I manifested him by deciding what I was looking for in a mate (I was specific) then I signed up for a match and started looking. I cast a wide net of winks and emails then I let the universe bring him to me.
Longevity Doesn’t Always Equal Success
Longevity does not necessarily equal success. When the relationship has served its purpose, it has been successful. Sometimes I think we do a disservice to others when we hold the belief that longevity is a marker for success. Maintaining unhealthy relationships costs everyone in the circle of those individuals too dearly. What serves well is change, re-growth and increased compassion and an honest accounting of the journey. Unhealthy relationships cost not only those in it but also those around them.
My Best Friend and Appreciation
We were introduced by his cousin on a little getaway vacation in the summer of 2003. We didn't fall for each other but we enjoyed talking. I'd say that I married my best friend and I feel comfortable telling him everything, I guess that was practice from all those years we talked. He appreciates everything I do and acknowledges it. Our marriage is a partnership, we work together as a team. It's not always perfect, but that's what makes it interesting.
Release the Need to Control
The key for me is “release!” And by this, I mean releasing the need to control or to be right. When I get really upset and feel like I am about to lose my mind because he isn’t doing what I want or acting the way I wish him to act, it’s a GREAT reminder for me to meditate and release my cords (my attachments to him). As soon as I do that, my energy shifts, and therefore, his energy shifts, and everything just start to naturally work out. Constant working on quieting the ego works WONDERS for marriage in my book!
Movies and books are flooded with Love stories. Most of us want to know “the secret”. It seems that True love takes time to take shape. The elements of love according to Buddha are kindness, understanding, listening, compassion, communication, happiness, joy, no judgment and freedom all of which my dear friends shared in their words of wisdom today. Love on!