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How to Avoid Being Sexually Abused posted Apr 2, 2018


In all transparency let me acknowledge that I HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA what you have gone through or are going through with the abuse you have endured. So, if you want to totally dismiss what I am about to offer as rubbish please do so with my blessings. Let me say quickly that had I gone through the exact same violation that you suffered, I still would NOT HAVE AN EARTHLY IDEA of what you experienced.

The first thing you may want to consider is that when someone does something towards you that is against your will, they actually are committing a crime against themselves because they "believe" that they are hurting you when they are actually violating themselves. And the only way you are violated is that you agree with them that they are doing something to you.  We are all connected, so what happens to one of us happens to us all. Sit with that a minute. Of course, for this to mean anything to you, you’d have to accept my first premise—“we are connected and what affects one affects all.”

I wonder what would be different in the “perpetrator’s” experience if you totally rejected the embodied idea that you are a victim. Think about that for a second. To my mind, as a victim, you are carrying the full burden of the other person’s actions. I wonder if you rejected the act, would she or he have to bear more of the burden of her or his actions? Just wondering.

So, try this. As you think about the wrongful act over and over, add to your thoughts the phrase, "I am wonderfully made" or I am more valuable than any one part of my body. So when you decide not to believe the lie then it cannot control you anymore. Instead, it becomes—to you—the lie that it is, an untruth, a fallacy. So, try repeating this mantra every time your mind rehearses what happened: "I am, I am, I am."  Google "I am" and see what you find.

Next, I'd like to challenge you to tell a different story about the value and function of your sexual body parts.

What I’m offering now is that you should know that YOU are MORE than your vagina, penis, mouth, or anus, as they are primarily designed for other purposes, period. Furthermore, the female breasts are meant to nourish newborns, period. Some misguided humanoid decided to glorify our sexual selves and that narrative has become a part of the way we think about bodies. So to think that anyone can take anything from you by forcing sexual favors or disfavors is really an untruth, and their attempt to abuse you in this way is based on a misguided understanding about the use of both your bodies.

The idea that someone has "done something to you or taken something from you" is to give your sexual body parts greater value than your heart or liver, and the liver (I believe) is more vital to your life than your heart.

Question, “Why is it that any kind of sexual misuse seems to be a greater “sin” than others misuses?” My thinking: it’s because we have made up a story about sexuality that says that sexual misconduct is worse. And because everyone believes it, it’s true or real.

Now, I'm not asking you to do anything but change the way you think about these things so that the memory does not control or haunt you forever. And if you are haunted forever then you remain a victim, forever.

In the end, sexual misbehavior has become a function of our societies narrative about controlling others and has the mistaken understanding that to abuse someone sexually "takes something" from the non-consenting person. No one can take something from you unless you believe that they can; unless you agree with the narrative, which I believe is a lie.

You, my friend are a thinking, caring, being with the ability to transcend the narrow concepts and ideas that limit you and your ability to overcome attempted abuse and oppression.

So, if you don't want to be a victim, then dispel the lie that someone can do anything to you. Reject the story that you have lost something with any kind of violation, sexual or non-sexual.  Then you move from possible victimization to personal agency.

Finally, my ideas apply to any situation of mistreatment—lying, stealing, or killing, etc. The perpetrator is misinformed, as is her or his story of fear and control. Thus the “victim” is also misinformed, as is her or his story of fear and control.

The above comments are my own and do not necessarily reflect those of If my suggestions offend you or you feel that these ideas are a personal affront in any way please accept my deepest apology. I believe victimization (or survivor-ship) is a matter of perspective, belief, and/or choice. We can move beyond them both by recognizing and activating our full and complete value as Beings.

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