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How Do People in Healthy Relationships Think? posted Oct 5, 2018

My takeaways from the new movie The Abundance Factor by Riley Dayne and how to apply them in our relationships:

#1: Focus on the end goal, or the result, and dream about it now at this moment even before it’s realized. 

People in healthy relationships focus very specifically on exactly what they want in the relationship, what the end goal is for the relationship, and they visualize that result as if they are living it now. The more specific the goal, the more clarity and the more clarity, the more power there is to take action to reach the goal. Here are a few specific goals:

  • Your emotions –good or bad—are understood and validated by your partner.
  • You laugh and have fun enjoying shared experiences together.  
  • You both experience mutual understanding and respect in the face of disagreement. 
  • You are each other’s best advocates. You know your partner has your back and you have theirs.

#2: Focus on WHY you want the result you do. 

People in healthy relationships think about why they want to be understood, why they want shared experiences together, why they want mutual understanding, why they want an advocate. The reason people want what they want is because of the FEELING it gives them.

  • Being understood and validated makes you feel respected and loved.
  • Laughing and having fun makes you feel playful and joyful.
  • Having mutual understanding even if you disagree with your partner makes you feel worthy and respected.
  • Knowing your partner has your back makes you feel safe and secure.

#3: Think about why you don’t already have what you want.

People in healthy relationships think consciously about why they may not yet have realized their goals yet. They assess and think about what they can do to improve themselves and the energy they bring to the relationship. They become accountable for who they are.

  • If you feel you’re misunderstood by your partner, sit back and think about whether or not you listen to your partner and are consistently ask her if she feels understood by you.
  • If you don’t have joyful times together, think about why that is. Do you not make time for it? Are you avoiding spending time with him for some reason?
  • If you aren’t experiencing mutual understanding, are you finding yourself defending your own position much of the time?
  • If you don’t feel your partner is your advocate, ask yourself if you are truly her advocate as well.

#4: What is the overall strategy or plan you will use to get to your goal?

People in healthy relationships don’t just live their days in reaction to what their partners say or do, the take-it-as-it-comes mentality. They are conscious of the relationship and purposeful in making plans for how they are going to reach their goal of connection and happiness with their partners.

For each of the four goals above, plan out how you will be purposeful in your ways of being, speaking and acting toward your partner. Make a plan for the next 30 days for how you’re going to be the person who listens and strives to understand, who schedules fun experiences, who stands up for your partner when he needs it.

#5: What’s the smallest action you can take two minutes from now?

People in healthy relationships act now at the moment to be, say or do something that makes them the best partners they can be. They are present now, not impeded by the past nor stopped by the uncertainty of what will happen in the future. They take action NOW.

  • You call up your partner and apologize for not being present in your conversation with her last night.
  • You take him on a surprise date tonight.
  • You text or call your partner at lunchtime today to say “I love you.”
  • You defend your partner when a friend makes a chide remark about her.


If you are feeling disillusioned in your relationship with your partner, I encourage you to reach out for a conversation. It’s free. It’s no pressure. Let’s hop on a call and discuss what you can do to be the best partner your partner has ever had. I truly believe the Abundance Factor is YOU! Take a small action step today and let’s connect. Here’s my calendar link to schedule your call: ABUNDANCE  

2120 PointsGold

Kimberly Riley

/ Midlife Transition and Relationship Coach