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What do professional tennis and relationships have in common? posted Oct 5, 2018

imageOkay, so I’m a tennis nut, but I tell you when I was watching the 2018 Indian Wells men’s singles final on the Tennis Channel the other night I couldn’t help but be a bit stunned by the tense and negative energy exuding from both players toward the end of the second set. Yes, the match was close and both players had match or set point at various times during the set, but the negative energy was palpable.  

Roger Federer, who is my favorite player of all time because of his graciousness, composure and positive energy, not to mention his flawless mechanics as a professional player, was playing Juan Martin del Potro from Argentina, a usually well-composed competitor himself and good friend of Federer’s. Del Potro started to get angry at the chair umpire because he wasn’t keeping the crowd noise and disruption in check. Del Potro was losing his concentration because of the crowd disruption and he repeatedly told the umpire how upset he was. Before you know it, Federer starts getting upset as well because of some close line calls toward the end of the set. He so rarely gets upset and mad during his matches that it made me wonder what was going on.

It then dawned on me that the negative energy del Potro was exuding was turning into a general anger and discomfort of negative energy on the court. Yikes.  And Federer was getting enveloped into the energy along with del Potro.

This is where my beliefs about relationships come in.  What we focus on is what we get more of.  If we focus on negative things, whether a noisy crowd, a close line call or how upset we are at our partner, we attract more of that negative energy. 

My advice is this.  Pay attention to the words and energy you exude.  If negative, you’ll get negative back.  If positive, you’ll get positive back. If your partner makes you angry in a given moment, do everything you can not say anything in the heat of moment unless it’s something positive. It’s better to walk away at the moment, take a few deep breaths and come back to engage with your partner in conversation when you are in a more positive energetic state.  

My mom’s advice growing up was good advice--- If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. It’s true. Be cognizant of the words and energy you exude.  I can guarantee that you and your partner will come out on the better side of it all the more you two can focus on exuding positive energy toward each other.

Think positive today!

2120 PointsGold

Kimberly Riley

/ Midlife Transition and Relationship Coach