“Relationship math suggests that It is rare for two people to enter marriage and one person is to blame for everything that goes wrong.”
Most people believe when they say “till death do us part,” they can actually endure all the stressors, hardships, and unfunny times that marriage can bring. And don’t get me wrong, there are a plethora of those who can. But once the vows are said, the wedding cake is cut, and the bills start coming due, those starry eyes can become cloudy.
If you have hit the two, three, or even seven-year itch, and are wondering if this is it, and this is what your whole life has worked up to, you are not alone. But the good news is, sometimes, it just takes a little marriage counseling push to get you back on track. And also, to remember what attracted you to fall head over heels in love with from the start. So if you are looking for the best marriage counseling near me, these are likely the issues plaguing your union!
Financial Matters Burning Down Bridges
What is money? Nothing really until you don’t have enough. Or, you feel as if you are pulling your fair share, and your mate is not. Or, even worse, you feel as if your spouse is not only not pulling their weight, they are financially weighing you down. How many of us have the attitude that money is just money? But when the bills start to mount, something has to sacrifice, bills are not getting paid, and money is disappearing and causing heartache, it can become a significant source of contention in a marriage.
No one wants to look at marriage in a purely monetary partnership, “light.” But when life kicks in, you have a mortgage, kid’s tuition, and heating bills, money matters can take on a life of its own. And if someone isn’t pulling their weight or they are not recognizing that their habits are affecting your life, that creates resentment.
But the good news is that if you can come to a compromise, map things out, and find a way to live within your means, the stress will ease. But that requires both of you pulling your share and only spending with the agreement of the other. Money is not just money when it creates a distrust or resentment between two people. If, however, you can address the underlying issues and find a happy medium, you can find peace.
Issues Related to Child-Rearing and Parenting Styles
One of the most significant stressors of any marriage is the introduction of children. Children not only don’t come with instruction manuals, but they also don’t come with rhyme or reason. And since you both grew up with different parenting styles and ideas about how children should be reared, there is bound to be some strife. The key is not to let your different perspectives turn into a “my way or the highway” scenario.
A compromise can be reached if you are willing to prioritize and listen to the opinion of your spouse. You might not agree on everything, but you have to agree to disagree. And also, agree that it is alright to do so.
And as such, you must ensure that they are well adjusted loved. The ideal situation is to be in a loving two-parent environment. So, when possible, try to find the love you once shared pre-kids and carry that respect through to now. If you need to find a happy medium, a therapist is an excellent resource. They can help to strip away the emotional context and get down to the facts.
Poor Communication Skills
Did you ever play “operator” as a kid? The goal of the game is to see how altered a statement can become when relayed from person to person. But in it lies a tremendous psychological concept – what you say is not always what another person hears or interprets. Some couples have a tough time both voicing their thoughts, and also, perceiving what is being listened to.
Although most people think that the problem is a lack of communication, there doesn’t have to be. Two people can be communicating all the time, but that doesn’t mean they are listening or understanding. We all come to a conversation with our own set of expectations. And those expectations or assumptions that we carry about any situation can taint what is actually being said.
Sometimes it isn’t in What is Said…it is What is Heard
If you are already stressed about not having enough money and your spouse questions you about an account transaction, a simple question can come across as a harsh criticism, when it isn’t meant to be. Also, what we hear is only about 7 percent of the words that are said. 55 percent is in the body language of the other, and 38 percent of our perception comes from the tone that it is conveyed in.
So, it is easy to see how things might get lost in translation if two people are dealing with the overwhelming nature of adulting, kids, house, and work stress. If there’s been a breakdown of communication, it might take some retraining to learn to listen to what is actually being said. You might have to learn to let go of the resentment, past hurt, or stress you are already feeling over a situation.
Learning to have patience with your spouse and to create an open and nonhostile way to communicate with one another is difficult, but not impossible. And if you find that what you say isn’t what is being heard at all, it might be time to have professional help to translate. That way can get back on track to really talking and listening to one another.
Infidelity in a marriage is one of the top reasons that couples seek marriage counseling. It is one of the hardest things for any partnership to work through, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. Christian marriage counseling is based on learning to forgive. But forgiveness isn’t about forgetting. You will likely never forget what your partner did or the hurt that they caused you. The focus of marriage counseling in cases where cheating has occurred is to rebuild trust. But, unfortunately, marriage counseling can only do so much to try to repair the damage. Only you can decide to let go and truly forgive.
That requires accepting what’s happened, learning to have faith in your spouse again, and not regurgitating repeatedly. If we truly forgive, then we let go, and we don’t make it the “go-to” going forward. If you say you forgive and then beat them over the head with it every chance you get, then you are never going to find happiness.
It is alright to find that you simply can’t get past the hurt and move on. But if that is the way that you feel, marriage counseling isn’t going to work; it might be time to move along and try to heal individually. That, however, is a decision that only you can make. And also one that can be filled with a whole lot of anxiety, sadness, and grief.
It is entirely natural for things to slow down in the bedroom over time. But if you barely glance at one another anymore, then that can be a sign that it is time for marriage counseling. What goes on in the bedroom is usually a good indication of what is happening in a marriage. So if you are disengaged day-to-day, it is probably going to show in your sexual activity.
There are many reasons that your love life might be suffering. Things such as resentment, emotional distance, insecurity, or an affair might be just some of them. But there are times when it is a matter of voicing what you want to get what you want. The key is to unwrap the layers to find out how you got where you are. That way, you can rewind and try to find the passion that you once shared. Be mindful; it is going to be nearly impossible to recapture the lust phase of your relationship.
But that doesn’t mean that things can’t be even better. If you learn to trust one another, be open about your desires, and communicate your needs, you can have the most wonderful sex life ever! A therapist might help unravel what the issues are, and then help to reconnect and reengage the two of you to find the hotness you used to have for one another.
Relationships are Hard Even Under the Best Circumstances!
Relationships are hard; there is no denying it. The key is to date your spouse forever. That way, you never start to take them for granted. But once the honeymoon is over and real-life encroaches the love affair, it is reasonable to have breakdowns in communication, times when you will find yourself resentful, or moments when you just can’t seem to settle the same argument you’ve had twenty times.
If you are finding that things are not how you want them to be in your marriage. And you want to reconnect and find a happier union; a therapist might be an excellent mediator. The professionals at ChatOwl understand how complicated relationships can be and are here to help you with the daily hiccups that can keep us stuck. Contact us today to work through whatever is working your marriage over.