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Recent questions in Goal Setting

Naj Alikhan

/ Life tested and state licensed therapist / LMFT
It’s an incredibly common practice to set goals or New Years resolutions that we don’t follow through on. The biggest reason is that we are trying to build a brand new habit without two important things: structure and incentive. If you have these, you are a lot more likely to succeed. Structure means making a plan that starts with very small goals. What’s 1% of the goal? Start there today. If your goal is to start going to the gym, for instance, don’t start there. 1% might mean exercise at home. Once you do that much easier task, build on that momentum with a gym membership. Every day do a little more till you get where you want to be. Incentives make it a lot easier to motivate ourselves. In fact, economists say that incentives are the only thing that drives people. So find a reward system that works for you. What do you get when you reach this goal? Daily, weekly, monthly. Structure and incentives are essential to reaching goals!

Helen Granskog

/ Certified Wellness Coach and Author
Some great areas to consider setting goals in are: your relationships, your spirituality, exercise, nutrition, hobbies/interests, career, community, parenting and personal development. Setting goals in these areas will help you to maintain balance as an individual and help you become the best version of yourself. If resolutions and goal setting is new to you, this list may seem overwhelming. To avoid overwhelm pick 3 to 5 areas, instead of all, to set goals in.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ The Relationship Expert / LMFT
Well, there are a number of reasons that you MIGHT seek therapy on the internet. I'll list them below. I'll start with personal reasons then I'll share some professional reasons why. Then you think about what makes sense to you and make your decision. Personal Reasons: 1) You may to too shy (or embarrassed ) to share with a professional face-to-face. 2) You can see a therapist using only audio, so she/he won't see you. Say if you are sensitive about your appearance--swollen jaw or something. Or, you have some other physical disability that makes leaving your home too much trouble. 3) You don't or can't drive or don't have transportation. 4 ) It's convenient and private--if you don't want anyone to know--no one will see you going or coming. 5) If you want to see your therapist and be seen by her or him then you can use your video capabilities. So you have choices based on your personal needs. I'm sure there are more, so these are just to get you thinking. Professional Reasons 1) Transparency: profiles of ACTUAL professionals (not models!) are listed with REAL FACTS about each one. So you can read about the therapists or coaches yourself and see their credentials to make a firsthand decision about who they are and what each one stands for. 2) Cost: Like most things online, it's cost effective. But don't get it twisted--it's not cheap advice! 3). Training: ChatOwl counselors are well trained, degreed, licensed and/or certified in specific areas of expertise. 4) Real Testimonies: The testimonies that you see on our site are FIRST-PERSON COMMENTS from our clients. Again, we want you to know the quality of our work. 5) Money-back guarantee: What else is there to say except: "You have nothing to lose, except the problem you bring to your fabulous online counseling session :).

LaTasha Russell, Psy.D.

/ Relationships Expert
Most of the time someone that's in love thinks about the person all the time, smiles when talking about them, is overly excited to see them, wants that person to be the first and last person they speak to during the day and does not want them to leave. However, being in love makes someone blind to the truth and at times, make decisions they would not normally make if they were not in love. Some of these decisions can be detrimental and life-changing.

Deborah Englund

/ Coach for victims of narcissistic abuse
Fail often. Again and again and again. That will make You immune. You can put Yourself in a failure-immunity-mission by facing failure for 100 days. Starting with asking a stranger to lend you 100 dollars. That method will speed up your personal growth. :-)

Melissa Sutor

/ Life Coach and Mindfulness Teacher
Hello Debra, First you will need to connect internally with what gives meaning and purpose to your life. What brings you joy and makes you feel great? You can see these answers more clearly through mindfulness meditation which is paying attention in the present moment with an attitude of non-judgment. Sit in a quite place and bring awareness to your breath, allow your mind to settle, set an intention to receive clarity in regards to what is significant and purposeful in your life, instead of seeking or chasing the answers allow them to be revealed to you, and notice what is happening in your body (if there is tightness or tension around a certain thought then it is a block and not aligned, however if there is openness and freedom around a thought, vision/image, or feeling then explore this more). If you are not a consistent mindfulness practitioner then you will do best with guidance. Feel free to connect with me if you will like to discuss. Once this step is covered, then you can look externally to what jobs exist (or create jobs) that encompass your answers to what is significant and purposeful to you. Wishing you all the best and brightest! Melissa

Auguste Hill

/ Productivity Expert
I"ll take the philosophical end of this question. Of course, that means asking another question; are there really any mistakes? Todd Smith has answered the Yes part of this beautifully, so I'll take the No side. First off, my impetus is to start with a quote from one of my favorite contemporary French philosophers: “People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.” - Michel Foucault As you can deduce from Foucault’s point about our awareness, it’s hard to imagine a situation where we can know if what we’ve done is truly a mistake. We may not like the outcome of a particular behavior we’ve exhibited, how others have reacted, how we’ve felt later after the incident was over, but can we really know if what we did was wrong on a Big Picture level? There’s the Buddhist parable about the zen master who lives in the village and is revered by his fellow villagers. Every day they pronounce his very presence among them as a gift to their community until one day a teenage girl accuses him of impregnating her. As you can imagine the villagers are incensed and let the old Zen Master have it. Then a few days later the girl, sobbing, confesses that it was really a teenage boy on the other side of the village who is the baby’s father. If the Zen Master looked to the external for validation about whether his actions, and really his very being, was in proper, a.k.a. unmistaken, alignment with the Universe, he would quickly become unbalanced experiencing self-doubt, low self-worth and have a difficult time being a confident contributor to the other villagers' lives. He looks within, however, and stays in alignment and self-congruent thus his ability to radiate love, kindness, and a plethora of positive aspects of character that he is known for by his community. Mistakes lead us outside ourselves as we try to change, correct, validate, or even invalidate ourselves and others in order to be right as we have set it in our culturally conditioned minds. Undoing a mistake, then, is really about analyzing our capability to perceive from an elevated perspective so that we can engineer a more workable, livable approach to life. Otherwise, in our deep desire to be right, do good, and lead respectable lives we fail to understand that ultimately, life is unknowable. We waste time churning our inner lives into butter when really we wish to maintain a fluid, free flowing state of alertness, acting instead of reacting. Coming to terms with this essential aspect of living is the deep, palpable work of the human being being human which means being beautifully imperfect in our perfect relationship to the world.

Bob Reish

/ Certified Business Coach
I love this question. This is a great question because it means we are looking for reasons to grow and not excuses to remain where we are. I used to ask this question in school when we would get tested. The reason our teachers gave us tests to measure where we are and give a new perspective of what we need to learn. Some tests were planned, some were spontaneous. The same is true about the tests we have in life. I like to refer to the tests we receive every day as a measurement of what we know. Often times when we are tested, we are given an accurate assessment of what we know. We now have the confidence to know we have the skills and the knowledge to handle the circumstance when we experience it again. It also gives is the opportunity to help someone else who may be going to something similar. Testing also reveals what we need to polish. We are given a new perspective on how to improve for the future. When we see tests as an opportunity to learn, we are given the gift of opportunity. Lastly, tests give us a choice to decide which direction to go to maintain our current direction. When an opportunity is place in front of us, the opportunity often provides an alternate path on either side. We get to choose which one to take. When we go through tests, the perspective we choose is vital. We can either choose to learn from it or excuse ourselves from the new opportunity. To learn more about how to change your mindset, I look forward to having a conversation. Have a great day! Business Coach Bob Reish

Dan Ludwick

/ Certified Life& Holistic Health& Wellness Coach
Get encouragement in the tough times. Be apart of a community and a support structure in the hard times. Having others to help get through tough times helps a lot. It will make it easier to go through. Obstacles and tests make you stronger. If you never had tests in life and you just laid back because everything is easy, then you would not grow as much. You would not feel the need to be determined. You would not be able to help people as much. You will have to suffer in order to grow. Life is all a test. Be resilient. Be in control of your emotions, stay calm, and be determined to grow. Who says life is supposed to be fun is easy? Life is not always going to be hard and you won’t always need to struggle, but when you do, do not let it get you down and break you. Stay strong. You can do it. . Do not ask why is this happening to me, rather what can I learn from this and how can I grow from this?

Dan Ludwick

/ Certified Life& Holistic Health& Wellness Coach
Yes you are. Dont try to be like other people. Be authentic. Be real. Be YOU! There is no one like you in the world. You have unique talents and skills that no one else has in the world. There are billions on people on earth. You are unique and special. Just be you, and you will attract the right people in your life. The more you stick to just being you, the more fun and excitement you will have. Create your own dreams. Dream big. Then create a plan, and go after it. Create the life you want and surround yourself with people you want to be with. Be with people that believe in you, can build you up, and make you feel special and talented.
To see more, click for the full list of questions.