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Recent questions in LGBTQIA

Stephane Louis, LMFT

/ Licensed Counselor | LGBTQIA / LMFT
Coming out as a member of the LGBT+ community is both a deeply personal and immediately public decision for someone to make. When a loved one chooses to disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity with you. There is high level of vulnerability that is involved when someone allows you to see a part of them that is integral to who they are but fundamentally immoral to others. It is can be truly frightening not knowing whether or not people who have loved you for years will walk away from you after a cup of tea and a conversation. Here are a few you can do when someone comes out to you: 1. Be honored: They did not have to disclose this information to you, but they trusted you with themselves and thought enough of you would not betray that trust. 2. Be patient: Some people have known their identities their whole lives, while others are grappling with what it is to be themselves in a society that tells them they are not ok, worthy, or valid. Coming out may be difficult with you because they may value your acceptance and may be scared to death that they may lose it... or you. Don't take their reluctance or emotions personally, its a big deal. 3. Be discrete: Violence against members of the LGBT+ family is a real threat everywhere. If someone has not told you it is ok to share sexual orientation or gender identity, please ask them before you discuss it with anyone else. Being "outed" by others in an unsafe environment can them at risk for physical assault, discrimination, denial of proper health care, and loss of shelter, employment, and community. 4. Be supportive: Even if they know where you stand on LGBT+ rights, they need to know you support them them. Whether or not you agree with them is irrelevant, they need to know you support and care for them.

Micha B Nixon

/ Millennial Culture, Entrepreneur, Success & Lifestyle Expert / LMFT
Most of us have been there, and it is one hell of a journey to process once it’s all said and done. Do not beat yourself up! There is growth in understanding your self worth when being involved intimately with a partner takes a turn for the worst. First things first, recognizing that getting out of the toxic relationship you were in, was the best decision for you to make. Acceptance is usually the hard part when breaking away from a toxic lover. You had hope for your relationship and you did all you could to salvage it, and in the end, the only healthy decision was to walk away; that hurts. Deal with your pain, don’t rush to be ok if you are not ready to be ok. A lot of your tome will be freeed up due to being single, so find yourself. Figure out what you like to do that makes you happy. Paint, ride your bike, join a gym, hang out with old friends, date, or just spend time getting to know you. It is a process, but you, will thank you later!

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ The Relationship Expert / LMFT
Awwwww, I know I sound like an old school, grandmother. But, "Bless your heart." First of all, "Yes, there is a way to work through this." Honestly, up front, you need to contact me and let's get started working on it and then through it. Finally, it makes sense that you are "homophobic" how could you avoid it when ours is a world that is extremely judgmental of THINGS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND ! We try to label and diagnosis stuff, but there are somethings will can't understand if WE DON'T LISTEN to the ones who are experiencing the thing. Or in your case, we should listen to those who are "gay." Parenthesis here because whomever decided to call it gay had a need to give it a name--another way of saying I really don't know. But it doesn't matter because no two people with any dilemma/concern or whatever will have the SAME experience with it. For this reason, you should contact me and lets sort through your question in a way that FITS AND WORKS FOR YOU.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ The Relationship Expert / LMFT
My first thoughts are: 1) As a student of psychology, I learned that during psycho-sexual development same-sex sexual experimentation id normal behavior for children (it happens enough so that its considered normal). But it the experimentation is normal then it seems that the attraction would be normal too. But then we learn to be from our environment with whom we really should be experimenting. So, I decided to do a bit of research and found tons of written material that were religious in nature that honestly worried me; okay, it upset me because it was judgmental and condemning. I thought about women who are conflicted about being attracted to other women and how such rhetoric would affect them, so I couldn't (my proud bias) reference those items. Then I found information that was a bit more "kinder and gentler" (my proud bias again), so see "other info" below. But, my final comment (bias again) is that you need to decide for yourself what you think about your attraction to women and determine if you are comfortable with those feelings/thoughts. And, then decide for yourself what it means for you and make the appropriate choices that will give you inner-peace and contentment. Finally, it's not anyone else's business who you find sexually attractive--do you. Of course, you can check with Nicki Robbins, our ChatOwl counselor. Here's her link: https://chatowl.com/counselor/fdYjygua4R5VSyAR/Nicki+Line%2C+Associate+Professional+Counselor

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ The Relationship Expert / LMFT
My first thought is that it depends. It depends on the age of the child. It depends on how long you have been parenting the child, i.e., "Did you just adopt or did one of you recently give birth to the child?" It depends on whether you and your partner are educating the child as he/she grows so that the child knows from an early age that your family is not the typical "mommy-daddy" family. It depends on whether something has happened with your child and you don't know how to handle it. But, I don't see the need in your seeking counseling "just because." But, again, if you and your partner are not sure how to raise a child in a heterosexual, homophobic world then by all means the family should seek counseling.

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ The Relationship Expert / LMFT
Sure, it's okay if you want to spend your time worrying about something that you can't control. But, I assume you're asking because you suspect that it might be an invasion of privacy. You might have the idea that if you're doing the Sherlock thing that you have good reason not to trust her or him. Or, you might have difficulty trusting anyone--for good reasons I have to add. So, I have to ask you (since I'm being a smart-ass). What do you think about your snooping around on your partner's phone? Do you feel good, not so good, great? What about trust, who is it don't you trust--people in general, partners in general, this person specifically, or yourself, period? Now answer your own questions, because I believe you have just the right answer (oops there's that smart-a-word again).

Dr. Debra LMFT (MT2416)

/ The Relationship Expert / LMFT
Begin with the most important first thing related to what happened 40-years-ago. You can't be afraid of the fallout related to your digging around in the past. You may not like what you discover and most likely anyone connected to the 40-year-old stuff will be upset as well. So be prepared. In the meantime, ask you self the following questions: 1) What do I expect will change by opening this up?, and 2) Is the possible pain worth the possible healing? If you are happy with your responses to these questions then go forth learn and grow. Oh, you might want to consult a therapist too.

Dan Ludwick

/ Certified Life& Holistic Health& Wellness Coach
Hi, You need to have another open and honest talk with your partner. You must figure out why they are spending much more than the budget. Ask if they understand what the budget is. Work out a way that both of you can systemize a way to track how much you are spending and versus how much budget you have. Maybe suggest having separate accounts if that is a possibility. When you talk to your partner, don’t point the finger at them and say its all your fault and what are you doing. Have a calm and communicative discussion that feels safe and honest to express feelings. Take responsibility yourself. A relationship is two ways, and you are also responsible for her overspending. Communication is key. Maybe talk about putting a limit on a debit card to spend. Talk to each other and work out a plan that is mutual beneficent.

Deogracious Upakrwoth

/ Nutrition, Health & Wellness Coach
First step is to ask yourself "what does gay mean to me?", "why do I think I am gay in the first place?", and "if I am lusting after women, am I actually gay?" A lot of self reflection is needed to get to the root of this question.

Robin Kulkarni

/ Health Coach
If you think so, I would not want to be your friend. It is the most greedy outlook ever. You should think about how there are wealthy people who have no love and they are miserable. The answer is no.
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